Transcript: Horsefulness Training podcast-episode 21

Title: Understanding pressure & using it with feel

Date: [18-07-25]

Host: Karine Vandenborre

Welcome to another episode of the Horsefulness Training Podcast. I’m Karine Vandenborre, horse trainer, horsewomen coach, and founder of Horsefulness Training.

I’m so glad you’re here, because we’re going to dive into a very important topic, one that touches not only our horses, but also our hearts, our values, and the relationship we’re building with these sensitive, magnificent beings.

Today we’re talking about “punishing horses, and why there’s always a better way.” Even if you don't want to punish, even if you’re deeply committed to kind and conscious training, it can still happen.

You're frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, or maybe afraid, and in a split second, you react. You raise your voice, or you pull the rope hard trying to scare your horse, or you just snap. And then... you regret it of course. I've been there. You’ve been there. Everybody’s been there.

That’s why this episode is not about guilt, it’s about awareness, compassion, and growth.

So take a breath, maybe take a walk in nature while listening, or sit with a nice cup of coffee, and let’s explore this topic together.

Let’s first clarify what I mean with “punishment.”

I’m talking about using violence, verbal or physical, to prevent or discourage something your horse does. This could be shouting at your horse, “correcting” harshly with your voice, yanking a lead rope, or even hitting your horse.

But violence can also wear a subtle mask. Maybe it’s only rolling your eyes, sighing loudly, or making sharp, impatient gestures. And while this might not seem like punishment, horses pick up on it. They're incredibly sensitive. Your energy speaks louder than your hands or voice ever could.

I’m sure you’ve heard other horse people and horse trainers say: “The horse needs to know who’s boss!” or “You have to show him!”

But let’s pause here… Do we want to dominate and control the horse, or do we want to connect and communicate with the horse?

I think it’s that last one. We want to connect deeply, and we want to communicate clearly.

That’s why we first need to talk about the reasons that punishment just doesn’t work, why it prevents us from connecting and communicating in the right way.

And that’s not all, it’s also harmful to the learning process of your horse.

So let’s dive into the first argument against punishment: it often hurts.

For example, your horse came close in a fast and pushy way. You felt intimidated by his intrusiveness, so you scream at him and hit him on his head with your rope. It hurts and the horse backs off in fear, or jumps towards you in a defensive reaction.

In this situation, you just created fear in your horse. You damaged the trust between you.

Perhaps the worst part of this kind of punishment is that it probably didn’t teach your horse to not be pushy anymore. But it did teach your horse something about you. Namely: that you’re not safe. That you can explode.

That you’re unpredictable.

And suddenly, your horse no longer dares to relax in your presence.

Plus, when you lead him on a rope, there’s a big chance that his pushiness will get worse, because he is tense and defensive because of what you did.

In Horsefulness Training, trust is our foundation. Without trust, there’s no connection. Without connection, there’s no cooperation. Without cooperation, training becomes a battle instead of a dance.

And trust is fragile. You can build it for months, and break it in seconds.

A second reason to not punish your horse is that it shuts down thinking.

Because when a horse feels pain, be it physical or emotional, they stop thinking and start reacting. It’s a survival reflex.

Learning requires presence and calmness, but punishment triggers stress, fear, and fight-or-flight reactions.

So when we punish, there’s a big chance that we destroy the learning moment.

A third reason not to punish is that if your horse is afraid, confused, or frustrated, and you punish him for that... what message does he receive then?

In that moment, you are not helping him, but you are giving him the feeling that he is unsafe around you when he expresses himself. And that creates even more disconnection.

So punishment silences the communication.

But I believe: horses should be allowed to have a voice.

A voice to say "I don't understand," "I’m scared," or even "No, not now." That’s partnership, that’s communication.

And of course, we should help the horse then with what he is saying, or work with that in a positive way.

Let’s have a look at a fourth very important reason to not punish, and that is: punishment often comes too late.

Imagine your horse spooks at something and runs forward. You manage to stop him, and a few seconds later, out of frustration or a fear reaction from yourself, you yank the rope or raise your voice. That’s something I already saw a lot.

Now what does your horse learn in that moment?

Not: “Oh, I shouldn’t spook.”

But: “Uh-oh, returning to my human = danger.”

He gets the message: “She’s unpredictable, better to stay away.”

Timing is everything in training. And the truth is: we're almost always too late with punishment. If we don’t react within 1 to 2 seconds, the connection between the behavior or reaction you didn’t want and the consequence is lost.

And even when we do react in time, there’s a problem.

And that brings us to reason number five to not punish: the horse might learn what not to do, but he doesn’t learn what he should do.

Let’s say you punish your horse right on time, and he does understand: “Okay, what I did just now got me in trouble.”

But then what? He still doesn’t know what’s expected of him.

That’s why punishment creates hesitation. It creates confusion. The horse can get very insecure. And we don’t want that. We want to empower our horses. We want to build confidence.

And because of the horse feeling confused and insecure, the horse starts to avoid you or the things you ask of him. So punishment teaches avoidance, not cooperation.

And this is where still many training methods go wrong: they focus on obedience, not understanding.

But a thinking horse, a feeling horse, a communicating horse, that’s what we should aim for.

So instead of telling him what not to do, we need to show him, gently and clearly, what he can do instead.

Now let’s look inward. What’s often behind the urge to punish? Because punishing isn’t only about the horse.

It’s also about our own emotions.

We punish when we feel powerless, angry, overwhelmed, or unsafe ourselves.

I was teaching a lady last week who said she often screamed at her horses when she felt scared. She knew that and wanted to change that, and that’s great. Awareness is always the first step.

So maybe you recognize this - that you punish when you are afraid that things are getting out of control.

Or maybe your horse doesn’t respond and you feel ignored.

Or maybe you had a bad day and the horse’s behavior is the last drop and you snap.

You’re human. It happens.

But the good news is: awareness brings choice.

Instead of reacting from emotion, we can learn to pause, to breathe, and to ask ourselves:

“What does my horse need right now?”
“What do I need right now?”
“How can we return to calmness and clarity, together?”

This is what I also call “Bonding Time with yourself,” not just with your horse.

Being the calm center, the grounded partner, even in moments of challenge.

So what can we do instead of punishing? How can we prevent ourselves from punishing the horse? And how can we train our horses without using punishment?

First of all, become aware of your triggers. Is it when you are nervous or stressed? Then always take a few moments for meditation or breath work before you go to your horse.

Is it because you are fearful? Then what are you afraid of? Search for help, so you become a confident horsewoman, who knows how to deal with those challenging situations and also solve those situations. Ask me for help, my expertise lies in working with challenging horses, and I’m sure we can work it out.

Also, reward everything that goes well or in the right direction. Horses are smart. They quickly learn what leads to comfort, connection, and peace. Reward with your voice, a pause, a praise, a touch, a treat, or whatever works best in that moment.

Ignore what’s not working, if it’s safe to do so. Not everything your horse does needs a reaction. Sometimes, neutrality is more powerful than correction.

Redirect with kindness. If something goes wrong, offer your horse another way, another idea, another movement. Help your horse to figure things out.

Stay curious. Ask yourself: Why did my horse do this? What was the trigger? What does he feel?

Be clear, be calm, be consistent. Your horse will learn to trust you as a safe partner, someone who guides, not forces.

And above all, let go of the mindset: “I say, you do.”

And embrace: “Be together, try together, learn together.”

This is not just a cute phrase. It’s a powerful intention. It changes everything.

I hope this episode inspires you to see beyond punishment, and to step into the powerful role of compassionate guide and partner.

Your horse doesn’t need a boss. He needs a trustful coach and mindful presence.

Thank you for walking this path with me.

If this episode touched something in you, feel free to share it, or leave a comment. I always love hearing from you.

Until next time,

© Karine Vandenborre - Horsefulness Training.  All Rights Reserved