Transcript: Horsefulness Training podcast-episode 14

Title: The What & Why of Bonding Time

Date: [23-05-25]

Host: Karine Vandenborre

Welcome back to the Horsefulness Training Podcast.

I’m Karine Vandenborre, horse trainer, instructor, and founder of Horsefulness Training.

Today, I want to take you deep into something that has truly transformed the way I connect with horses, and also how my students do. It’s something I call Bonding Time, the first connection exercise of Liberty Connection Work.

But before we dive into what Bonding Time actually is and why it’s so powerful, I want to start with a little story. A story about a mare called Muguette.

I first met Muguette when I was a teenager. She lived at the riding school where I used to ride, and everyone knew her as the “sour mare.” She wouldn’t let anyone touch or halter her without pinning her ears and giving you a really nasty look.

I was 13 when I started there, and honestly, I was a bit scared of her. So I’d ask older girls or a grown-up to saddle her for me.

But as I grew older, I started to really like her. I was 15 by then, and I had become a bit more experienced and confident. I also started to spend more time just sitting in her stable… reading a book, listening to music.

Muguette didn’t seem to care much. She’d ignore me completely or turn her hind end toward me. Only if I moved toward her to touch her, she would pin her ears and give her usual angry look.

But then… something changed.

One day, as I was just quietly sitting there, she turned her head toward me, let out a big sigh, and started sniffing and touching me with her muzzle.

I can still feel how special that moment was.

This “sour mare” was being gentle. Curious. Friendly. That was the very first time I saw this with her.

And I hadn’t done anything but be there.

That was the moment I started seeing her differently. And it was also the moment I began to understand what true connection is.

Years later, after spending time with many horses, just being with them quietly, I started to call this practice Bonding Time.

I discovered through all the years that followed after my experience with Muguette and other horses, that sitting and being with a horse without doing something… is the most powerful thing you can do to build a strong, trustful bond.

So Bonding Time became the first of the eight Connection Exercises in my Liberty Connection Work program.

There are eight connection exercises, and each one builds on the one before. So Bonding Time is the first one, and the others are:

Greet and Go

Greet and Groom

Your Spot, My Spot

Easy Herding

Liberty Leading

Spontaneous Circling

The Boomerang

Liberty Connection Training helps you build the foundation for everything:

For groundwork

For lunging and work in hand

For riding

But Bonding Time is where it all begins.

Bonding Time is about not-doing, about being present with your horse.

Maybe now you think, well, that’s easy, I just have to sit with my horse in the pasture. But I’ve learned it’s more than just sitting there or being there.

It’s about showing up with no agenda, no expectations, no demands.

It’s about mindfulness.
It’s about intention.
It’s about opening the space for a horse to come to you, when they’re ready.

I’ve also learned that this is how horses bond with each other, not by telling each other what to do, but by spending time together in their group, in their herd.

And we humans can do that too.

We can learn to be with our horse in a way that feels natural to them, safe, and meaningful to them.

Bonding Time with your horse—yes, it’s simple! However, it’s not easy.

Over the years, I have spent countless hours in this practice. And it might look like “just sitting,” but I can tell you: it’s not.

You have to know that:

The horse is observing you.

Energy is exchanged.

Some horses will ignore you completely.
Others might be intrusive or even pushy.
Some will be very curious, but in a friendly way.
Some will test your personal space and need boundaries.
Some will lie down near you.
Some will try to chase you away.
Some will be defensive.
Some horses stay as far away from you as possible, because they don’t trust you.

And in every one of these moments, you have a choice.

You can react in a way that stimulates connection, or in a way that blocks it.

That’s why I’ve developed a course, which is called the Bonding Time Deep Dive. In that course, I show you how to respond to your horse in a way that builds trust instead of creating distance.

Because Bonding Time isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Some horses need more encouragement.
Some need firmer boundaries.
Some need to feel seen and safe, maybe for the first time in their life.

You need to know how to respond to your horse in a way that builds trust instead of creating distance.

One of my students, Rebecca, had already tried many horsemanship methods before she found out about my Liberty Connection Work.

She told me, “I already spend undemanding time with my horse, so I know how it works.”

But she was curious… and open.

And when she started practicing Bonding Time the way I teach it, something shifted.

It deepened the connection she already had.
It gave her new insights, not just about her horse, but also about herself.
It became an eye-opener.

Because Bonding Time is about more than spending undemanding time with your horse.

It’s about energy.
It’s about communication.
It’s about being fully present, without the pressure to do something.
It’s about reacting in the right way in certain situations that arise with the horse.

In the beginning, you may feel like you’re “just sitting,” but when you do this practice with understanding, awareness, and subtle guidance, it becomes one of the most powerful ways to bond with your horse and develop trust and a strong relationship.

So actually, Bonding Time is not about “doing nothing.”

It’s more about doing the right thing at the right moment… which often looks like stillness and doing nothing, but it’s actually communication.

And we all know that horses read us like a book. So everything you do during Bonding Time—whether that is physically, emotionally, or mentally—your horse will notice it and react in his personal way.

A fact is, the practice of Bonding Time is often underestimated, and has more influence on the horse-human connection than most people understand or believe.

Bonding Time is such a powerful practice that I always do this first with any horse I work with—even with traumatized horses. Because it helps build the most natural bond possible. A bond that horses themselves understand, that is meaningful for them, because horses form strong bonds with the other horses in their group.

If you want to be part of that group, you have to spend time with a horse just like they do in their herd. They are herd animals and social animals, and they are wired for connection. So spending time together, without asking something, is crucial for a strong bond.

When you practice Bonding Time regularly, your horse begins to feel that you’re not someone who always wants something.

You’re not the person who shows up to ask, demand, or take.

You’re simply… present.

And with that presence, something beautiful starts to happen.

Your horse becomes curious.
Your horse begins to seek you out.
Your horse starts to feel that you belong together.

This exercise lays the foundation for everything else you’ll ever want to do with your horse.

So if you’re curious to know how to do this with your horse...
If you’ve been spending time in the pasture but you feel like something’s missing...
If you want to build a meaningful bond with your horse...

Then I invite you to join my Bonding Time Deep Dive.

My dream is that every horsewoman, every horseperson in the world, would embrace this practice as their fundamental practice with their horse.

Because it’s truly transformative.

The link to the page where you’ll find all the info about the Bonding Time Deep Dive is in the show notes!

Thank you so much for being here today.

If this episode touched you, please share it or send it to someone who might also want to hear about Bonding Time.

And if you’d like more support, more inspiration, or more guidance, you’ll find free resources, blogs, and trainings on my website. The link is in the show notes as well.

Till the next episode!

© Karine Vandenborre - Horsefulness Training.  All Rights Reserved