By Karine Vandenborre
Letting Go of Perfectionism With Your Horse: Why trying to hard can disconnect you from your horse
In this blog, I’ll share how letting go of perfectionism with your horse can change the way you connect, train, and simply be together with your horse.
Because you might recognise this situation: you want your training sessions to feel relaxed and joyful, and you dream of having a calm, connected horse who trusts you and is eager to work with you. You’ve read the blogs, watched the videos, followed the steps, and still, things don’t always go the way you imagined.
The more you try to get it right, the more tension seems to creep into your body, and the more your horse begins to react in ways you didn’t expect: looking away, walking off, or even becoming a bit pushy.
And in those moments, it’s you fall into the thought: “Why is my horse not listening? What am I doing wrong?”
You go over everything in your head. You’ve done the groundwork. You’ve applied what you’ve learned. You truly want the best for your horse, so why does it sometimes feel like the connection is slipping through your fingers?
Next time, you promise yourself that it will be different. You’ll be more confident, you’ll stay calm, and this time, you’ll get it right. But within ten minutes of being in the arena, you start to feel the pressure building again. Your thoughts begin to race. Your breathing becomes shallow. Your body tightens. You smile, because you want to stay positive, but inside, it feels like you’re losing control again, and your horse senses it.
And although you know they’re not doing it to challenge you, it starts to feel like they are. You wonder why others seem to progress faster, why it looks so effortless for them while you feel like you’re stuck. You don’t want to make mistakes. You don’t want to mess things up. You try harder. You give the cue again. You become more active with your stick or your rope, and you try to mask the doubt with an even bigger smile, but it doesn’t feel real.
And all that trying… it only adds more pressure.
Why letting go of perfectionism with your horse matters
That fear of not doing it right, it tightens your body. It closes your heart. It makes you doubt yourself. And your horse? They feel all of it.
Because perfectionism doesn’t just paralyze you, it disconnects you.
Not only from your horse, but from yourself as well.
Your horse isn’t asking for the flawless version of you, the one who always has the answers and never makes a mistake. Your horse simply wants you, the real you. The one who shows up with honesty, openness, and calm curiosity. The one who’s willing to learn and grow, not because she has to be better, but because she wants to build something meaningful and real.
What your horse truly wants is your presence. Your softness. Your steadiness. Your ability to listen, not just with your ears but with your whole body. Of course, knowledge and skill matter too, but the energy you bring, that's what comes first.
Because when you feel confident, truly confident, from the inside out, then making a mistake doesn’t feel like failure. It simply becomes part of the process. A moment of learning. A new invitation to try something different. But when you’re striving for perfection, even the smallest misstep can feel like everything’s falling apart.
From pressure to presence: building a real bond
Now imagine this: you walk into the arena not with an agenda, but with curiosity. You feel grounded. Calm. You greet your horse with soft eyes and an open heart and think, “Let’s see what today brings.” You begin working together, and then, something unexpected happens. Instead of getting tense or frustrated, you pause. You breathe. You think: “Hmm… interesting. I wonder what might be going on?”
You observe. You adjust. You try again, in a slightly different way. And your horse? He notices the shift. He feels safer. More understood. More willing to meet you where you are.
That’s the power of presence. That’s the beauty of letting go of how it should be, and allowing space for what is.
And that’s also exactly where your journey begins: in the bond between you and your horse.
Because if you want to learn how to let go of perfectionism, how to release the constant pressure to perform, and how to feel truly confident in your own skin, then bonding with your horse in a natural, mindful way is one of the most powerful first steps you can take.
Why Bonding Time Is the Best First Step to Letting Go of Perfectionism
In my Bonding Time Deep Dive, you’ll learn how to slow down, how to be fully present with your horse without needing anything from them, and how to start from a place of calm connection instead of pressure or control.
You’ll begin to understand how your horse responds not to what you do, but to how you are, your inner state, your body language, your energy.
This is where you learn to be with your horse as you are, without judgment, without expectation. And from there, something beautiful begins to grow, a bond that feels deep, mutual, and real.
Not only will this transform your connection with your horse, but it will also shift something in you. Because when you practice being fully present, without needing to prove anything, you start to feel more grounded, more at ease, more confident. And that feeling doesn’t just stay in the arena… it follows you in your everyday life.
If you're longing to feel more connected, more calm, and more confident in your work with your horse, and if you want to create a bond that’s built on trust, softness, and true presence, then I warmly invite you to join me in Bonding Time Deep Dive.
It all starts with presence. With letting go of your perfectionism. With being, before doing.
Your horse is waiting for you. The real one.
And I’ll be right here to guide you every step of the way.
With love,
-- Karine ♡
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