Everybody knows somebody who always seems to have fun when training his horse, even if it is not
going that well. A trainer like this sees every difficulty as an opportunity and sees opportunities where
others only see problems. This person usually has a positive mindset and infects others with one’s optimism.
However, you are also likely to know somebody who is always complaining about one’s horse and
the training. Yes, I am talking about a coach with a negative mindset.
Do you know someone like that? Alternatively, are you someone with a negative mindset?
If you are a trainer with a negative mindset, you:
- think of limitations (my horse is too old, too stiff, too small, of the wrong race to do this)
- focus especially on what is not going well
- see many problems and difficulties
- often blame others (your horse, your instructor, the passenger, the caregiver)
- think of yourself as a lousy coach
- speak badly about yourself (I cannot do this, I am too clumsy, I am too insecure)
- do not take much initiative to resolve issues
- often say “yes, but …” if people want to help you
- often complain about all the things not going well during training
Of course, everyone can give in to a negative mood. However, if you think negatively
every day and complain every day and there is no progress in the training of your horse,
you really have to change for yourself and your horse. Horses are very sensitive
to mood, emotion and energy.
If you always radiate a negative energy, it has a negative effect on your horse and
his/her will and desire to work with you! You will end up in a vicious circle:
you are negative, your horse does not feel well in your presence, it does not work,
it makes you cranky and even more negative….
However, if you are a coach with a positive mindset, you:
- think of the possibilities instead of the difficulties
- focus on everything that goes well
- see a lot of challenges and opportunities to learn
- first look at the mistake you have made and then decide how you can approach it next time.
- improve yourself so that you become a conscious trainer
- take great initiative
- say things like “That is interesting; I had not thought of that myself!
I’ll see what I can do with it, thank you!” when others want to help you.
If you usually think this way, you are a positive minded coach, which is just what a horse needs
to motivate him/her and to have fun training! If so, you do not need to continue reading.
Do you have a negative mindset? Do you have periods of negativity (a bad period)?
Be sure to read the tips below!
First admit it to yourself, and then you can change!
People with a negative attitude do not like to admit it: “No! I do not have a negative mindset.
My horse is just too…” Fortunately, you can unlearn a negative mindset and learn a positive mindset.
If you want that, the first step is admitting that you are a person with a negative mindset.
You admit it? That is brave! Now you can change it!
From this moment on, you will train your horse with a positive vibe if you properly apply and continue
to apply the tips below!
Tip 1: Identify what is going well
If you feel that you mainly focus on something that went wrong, change it immediately! Think about what did go well. You can find something in every training, even if it is just that you have had enough time to brush your horse and that he/she has enjoyed it so much this time.
Tip 2: Keep a gratitude journal
Keep a gratitude journal in which you write down three things about your horse and the training for which you are grateful every night. These can be simple things like:
- I am grateful that my horse started sniffing at me when I got to the meadow
- I am grateful that I had the time to give my horse a blissful grooming session
- I am grateful that my horse tries so hard to cooperate with me
But also things about the training:
- I am grateful that my horse has overcome his/her fear of the ball today
- I am thankful that my horse was relaxed when trotting today
- I am thankful that I have learned how to ride shoulder-in in class
Tip 3: Find support
Ask your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend whether they want to cooperate. Tell them about your training with your horse every day, but only tell the positive things: everything that went well and that made you happy.
If you ride with someone else, agree on only talking positively about your horses and the training.
If you talk positively about something, you cannot think negatively at the same time. That way, you learn another pattern: being positive instead of negative.
Tip 4: Start each day positively
When you get up in the morning, say to yourself “I am looking forward to the next training with my horse! “I am going to approach it this way, so it should be a lot of fun!” This way, you start the day positively and it is easier to stay in that energy all day.
Tip 5: Reprogram yourself
Every time you are stuck during training or think negatively because something is not going the way it should, make a habit of thinking: “This is fascinating! Why is it not working? How could I have done it differently? What an opportunity to learn!”
This may feel a bit unnatural at first as your pattern is “Oh no, it is not going the way it should. See, I am clumsy and so is my horse.” It takes a while before you have programmed yourself in such a way that you change from negativity to positivity, but if you persist, you will notice that it becomes easier. In the long run, you may even look forward to challenges!
Tip 6: Affirm
Use affirmations such as:
- I can do it
- My horse can do it
- I am having fun, my horse is having fun, together we are strong
- I am a positive trainer
- I have everything in me to achieve what I want to achieve
- I love my horse, my horse is amazing
- I feel confident about myself
- I am confident that we will succeed
Tip 7: Say STOP to yourself
Learn to recognize negative thoughts/statements. Deal with them consciously.
Every time you hear yourself being negative, say STOP in your mind!
You can visualize a stop signal or even say STOP out loud if you are alone.
This will prevent you from thinking negatively more and more and ending up
in a downward spiral. You need to take yourself out of that spiral as soon as you notice it.
You immediately have to think of something positive.
What did go well and what did you like? If necessary, say a positive affirmation.
Is this working? Good job! You have taken yourself out of that downward spiral! The more you do this, the faster you will notice it when you start thinking/doing negatively. You become more aware of your behavior!
Tip 8: Ask yourself questions
Regularly ask yourself questions such as:
- What can I do to change this (for instance, your horse is always walking too fast: how can I fix this instead of complaining? Maybe take a different approach, take a class, ask someone for advice)?
- What is the positive side of this “problem” (for instance, it is an opportunity to learn, it is a first step to immerse myself in…, I learn to deal with this type of behavior/situation)?
- How can I develop myself on a personal level and as a coach (taking a course, lesson, reading, watching DVDs)?
Tip 9: Use this powerful phrase as a mantra
Hang a piece of paper in the tack room, or in another place where you often are and where you cannot miss the paper. Write down in giant letters ‘When I think negatively, I will have a negative training! When I think positively, I will have a positive training! My mindset determines how I experience my training!’ Repeat this statement as often as possible; use it as a mantra.
Tip 10: Remind yourself of the following
Never forget why you started riding and keeping your own horse! Regularly think of the reason you once started riding and the reason you bought your own horse. You did that because you have a passion for horses. You love horses, are happy being around them, are happy working with them, and it relaxes you.
You may have lost that connection somewhere along the way, because it was not going well, because you wanted too much, too fast … Recalling that feeling that you have a horse because you love horses so much takes away a lot of pressure. It does not have to be now, it does not have to go a certain way, and you do not have to be able to do a certain trick because someone else can do it.
I often find that negativity during training (in people who otherwise do not have a negative mindset) has something to do with ‘striving for a target’ too much. Let go of it for now, enjoy your horse, take your time, do it for yourself and for no one else…
Using the tips above, you will surely be a positive and optimistic coach again, and training will be relaxed and fun again!